If you’ve been online dating for any amount of time, you’ve seen bad profiles. They’re either sparse, copied from someone more clever, use The Office as a character trait, or are completely blank. Then, you come across the perfect profile. It might be five words, three paragraphs, or a hilarious photo, but either way you’re in stitches. We’ve scoured the internet (and the best dating apps) to pull together a list of some of the funniest dating profiles.

1. The Truth

1. The One With Few Grammar Mistakes. Using proper grammar and spelling everything correctly are.
2. The League Profile Example. Profile real estate is at an even bigger premium on The League. You've only got space for 140 characters to convince her you're message (and date) worthy. Approach your League bio the same way you would a Bumble or Tinder profile, but be even more selective with what you choose to include.
3. Below, you’ll find what you should write in your online dating profile, according to the pros. List Your End-Goal For “Why” You’re Dating. “The partner who knows what they want is the.

You’re smart. This ain’t your first rodeo. And You’re not about to fall for the preposterous claims made by so many of the profiles on this site. So here’s a refreshing perspective—the truth.

EHarmony is the premier service for dating with the intent to marry, and if that’s your goal, I can think of no better place to look. At the end of the day, the factor that really convinces me, though, is the quality of the matchmaking service that you get for a very competitive price.

I pay my mortgage. I wear socks that match. I’m an honest man, with a decent career and strong values. So While I could regale you with stories of my trips to Paris or how I resemble Ryan Gosling…I know that good communication’s a foundation for every relationship. So if we’re on the same wavelength, read on…

2. Exaggeration

I am a rocket scientist. I’ve appeared on the cover of GQ—twice. And after mastering Italian, I became an international super spy. Right now, I’m yachting my way across the Caribbean, stealing top-secret information, and sipping mai tais…shaken, not stirred.

…Okay, fine. I exaggerated *just* a smidge. But I do like a good mai tai and I got a B+ in my 5th grade science class.

3. Blurbs

“He’s a beast…in the kitchen” – Food & Wine

Eharmony Bio Examples Health

“Our go-to guy for fashion advice” – GQ

“I wish he was my personal trainer.” – The Hulk

“God made him so firemen would have a hero” – every fireman ever

“I’m so glad she swiped right” – your mom

What else do you need to know?

4. J/K!

Married with a baby on the way. Prefer the term “collector” to “hoarder.” Bonus points if you can look after my gerbil collection.

And: J/K! Single consultant who loves surfing. Into daily exercise so I don’t feel guilty when I grab ice cream.

Your turn…Do you prefer swimming, dancing, or a 24-hour Netflix marathon?

5. A Few of My Favorite Things

I like…

The Frito smell of dog paws.

When I randomly decide to call an old friend and they say “I was just thinking about you!”

The way little kids get grumpy and confused when they’re tired.

That moment I get that Bumble BOOM! Message, and know someone I liked is into me too.

6. Goblin

Passionate goblin with 10+ years of experience, seeking to increase profitability for National Goblin Association. At — Goblin headquarters, slashed costs by 32% in 6 months by implementing Bloodletting training across all departments. Cut stockroom waste by 65% with new garbage binging techniques. Skilled in bone cleaning, whispering while in the dark, and proficient in Microsoft office.

7. The Girl You Can Take Home to Your Family

I’m the kinda girl you can take home to your family. I will then get closer to them than you are and we’ll slowly phase you out.

8. Alpha Male

I hope you like alpha males because I’m your guy. That’s right, I’m the whole package. I’ll defend your honor in public, won’t take shit from waiters, and I’ll even get you pregnant, leave, and then come back to eat the child.

9. Christmas Tree

My brother once put me through a Christmas tree wrapping machine then my parents put me in the boot for the ride home.

10. Best Travel Story

I was in New Orleans when the Eagles won the Super Bowl. Long story short, my nipple may or may not have been pierced.

11. Not Down to Earth

I’m not down to earth at al. If you don’t reply to my text I will turn up to your house drunk at 3 o’clock in the morning crying and trying to break in. I hate drinking tea and doing craft. I hate bicycles, the beach, sunshine, and parks. And Cider, I hate Cider.

12. Definitely Not a Murderer

My self-summary
I’m a fun loving guy and a self-starter who has absolutely no interest in committing murder. I’m looking for love, companionship, or just that one lovely evening (and rest assured that that one lovely evening will absolutely end with you back at your house, safe, and sound!) Let me take you into my magical world of not murdering anyone, ever, for any reason.

What I’m doing with my life
I’ll tell you this right up front: Certainly not murdering ANYONE, least of all you! Beyond that, mostly digging.

13. A Terrible Liar

My self-summary
Here are the quick and dirty facts so you can get back to clicking through my photos: I’m a terrible liar and an excellent +1. You can usually find me managing my investments, hitting the gym, or catching up with a friend over cocktails and tapas. And I’m incredibly judgemental…when it comes to T-bone steaks. Otherwise, I’m pretty easygoing. 😉

What I’m doing with my life
When I’m not in the ER, you can often find me visiting the kind of far flung destination that requires a passport. Remote locations like Santiago or Zanzibar have always spoken to me. But usually it’s in Spanish or Swahili…so I can’t understand a word they’re saying.

14. The Best Thing on the Internet

About Me

Ladies, your time has come. I’m serious – stop reading and message me right away, because I am the best thing that could ever happen to you on the internet. Better than gym selfies. Better than 14 Facebook likes. And even better than kitten GIFs. Okay, okay, maybe not better than those. Because what can top that?

If we’re being honest, I’m probably not really the “best thing” ever. I have falws too. First of all, I don’t have Jon Snow’s flowing locks. I sometimes wash my lights with my darks. And I never ask for directions – ever.

Maybe you can see past that thought? 😉

As for my career… Well, I got my first taste of what it means to be an entrepreneur when I was a kid, selling 25 cent cups of lemonade and giving away free extra-salty potato chips. I’ve since moved up to buying and selling Internet comapnies, but I still love Lay’s potato chips.

I’m a non-apologetic big city dweller at heart, but that doesn’t stop me from rounding up friends on a beautiful weekend and hitting the ski slopes, or grabbing my mountain bike for some trail riding. And I’m always thinking about my next trip… I hear good things about New Zealand.

As for the woman I’d like to meet… Your friends would describe you as “intelligent,” “ambitious,” and “kleptomaniacal”… Okay, maybe not the last one. And while I love potatoes in most of their forms, “couch potato” isn’t one of them. Physical fitness is important to you, as it is to me. And while you don’t have to host your own NatGeo show, having a few awesome travel stories wouldn’t hurt.

15. Cute and Smart

Respiratory Therapy Student

Cute enough to take your breath away, smart enough to bring it back.

16. Mat

I’m just hoping you don’t walk all over me 😉

17. Forever Single

I spend a lot of time thinking about

Will I be single all my life

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Online Dating Profile Examples for Women

In this article you will learn how to transform your profile writing into writing that will attract the highest quality men online

By NEM Founder, Joshua Pompey

It’s easy to attract any man online. But attracting the highest quality men? That is a whole different story. With the highest quality men online receiving multiple emails each day, it is absolutely essential to create a profile that stands out from the competition and sparks immediate interest.

The truth is, I’ve been reading profiles for close to a decade, and most women tend to make very similar mistakes that could easily be avoided by following the correct profile writing advice. Today I am going to highlight some of these mistakes by taking some poorly written online dating profile examples, and transforming them into profiles that quality men will be extremely attracted to. Let’s begin, shall we?

The Cliche Online Dating Profile Example

“I currently work in marketing for Disney and love my job.”

So what exactly is wrong with the above statement? For starters, it is a cliche statement that will blend in with the next 100 profiles. If you want to get noticed online, you have to stand out from the competition and catch a man’s attention.

Secondly, it is a wasted opportunity. Whatever you write in your profile should always be used to highlight your best qualities. Unfortunately, this reveals very little about the writer and what she is all about. Let’s re-write the example above into a profile that will make a quality man take notice…

The New and Improved Online Dating Profile Example

Old: “I currently work in marketing for Disney and love my job.”

New: “Most people love the idea of going to Disney World and unleashing their inner child. I just so happen to live that dream every day as a Disney Marketing Consultant. It may not be fun and games all the time, but between incredible people I work with and the unique nature of each day, I sure can’t complain. And hey, free Disney tickets sure don’t hurt either! Care to join me?”

In the revised profile example, the profile writer is no longer just an online dating cliche. Her personality shines through, she stands out from the competition, and she reveals many attractive personality traits in ways that feel natural, not forced.

The “needy and negative energy” profile example

“I need a guy who can make me laugh, wants to try new things, doesn’t cause drama, and has goals in life. If you don’t have a steady job and are not in my desired age range, I’m sorry but please move on to the next profile.”

There is nothing wrong with wanting (or not wanting) the qualities listed above. But the manner in which this profile is written will send all the wrong signals. This profile example comes across as needy, negative, and creates the impression that the profile writer may have had bad experiences with online dating in the past.

In addition, you will never scare off the men you don’t want by declaring all the qualities you are hoping to avoid. Most of these men aren’t even reading your profile anyway or simply don’t care. But you will scare off the all good guys out there by giving off negative energy.

Best Eharmony Profile

The New and Improved Profile Example:

New: “If you are driven, down to earth, and love to try new things, we may just be one email away from hitting it off. If you can keep me laughing on top of that, maybe we should just start planning the second date now? :)”

This revised example is more or less sending the same overall message, that she wants someone who can make her laugh, has goals, etc., but it does so in a way that is unique, playful, slightly flirtatious, and fun. Overall, the tone sounds extremely positive. These are all qualities that men are attracted to. With online dating, proper word choice and phrasing make all the difference in the world.

Want some risk-free professional help?

Just imagine the difference in your results if every single word of your profile had the same attention to detail as the online dating profile examples above. This is exactly what our experts have specialized in for almost a decade.

My profile writing staff at JoshuaPompey.Com (The profile writing portion of our company) has been helping women to attract quality men online at a success rate of over 99% since 2009. All profiles comes with a full refund guarantee, unlimited revisions, and a lifetime photo review. Click here to learn more about our risk-free profile writing service

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